I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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