pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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