i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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