those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
