the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
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