No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
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