A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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