I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
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