He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
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