thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
we're making bets on your personal life
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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