Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Randomize
