she takes plan B like it's going out of style
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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