im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
