But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
