you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
