Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Randomize
