He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
