what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
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