I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
