i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
