Rock
Scissors
Fuck
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Randomize
