I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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