Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
