i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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