Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
