Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
i think im in europe. pls send help
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
