I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
