I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Randomize
