There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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