I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
