Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
