After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
