Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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