***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Congratulations! We have a period
His nipple licking is glorious
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