Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
It's official drugs can't kill me
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
