So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
