Porn is love you can see.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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