You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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