I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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