if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
