Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
