I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
