look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
