He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
