okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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