Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Randomize
