just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
