Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
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