you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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