i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
