why didn't you poke me back
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
