Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
